The Paradox of the “me”
A dozen of us just completed the twelfth Wa this past weekend. I left with the same sense I have left the other explorations—grateful for the remarkable space it provides for going deeply into life with others. And, once again, I am very clear it is not of my doing. This event, in particular, produced lots of reflections for me about the nature of the “me,” which I share here.
Action happens through the body-mind systems we are. The “me” arises when that-which-we-are believes we are the agents controlling our actions and navigating our pathways through life.
The arising of the “me” alters the moods that the body-mind system is in: with the “me,” guilt, shame, envy, and anxiety all become fairly common moods. These moods in turn, alter the possibilities of perception and action available to the body-mind system. So, the arising of the “me” does alter our possibilities, even though the “me” itself has no direct control over these possibilities.
The “me,” however, does not cause its own arising since it cannot actually cause anything, nor, since it has no causal power, can it cause its own disappearance. The “me” is a product of the belief in the illusion of control. That which believes can also stop believing, which results in the disappearance of the “me” as a source of suffering. The paradox one encounters is that if we are not in control, then we cannot will ourselves to stop believing. In the moment one fully realizes this fact, however, one has disappeared the “me” and the conversation becomes moot.
The moment the belief in control returns—which is a natural, uncaused arising—the “me” is back. At least that’s what happens for me.
Chris